Whoa. What happened to the last month?

Okay, yeah, life has been crazy. But I really didn't think that I'd let almost an entire month go by since my last post. Kinda defeats the purpose.

Updates:
1) Getting the new blog(s?) prepped for launch! Been saving domain titles in hopes of being able to use the one I finally decide upon without any trouble and have started to wonder if I should be separating out the different areas of my work into different blogs. I mean, that makes sense right? Like having a portfolio showing what you designed (but someone else built) and a separate portfolio, or subsection, showing what you actually created yourself. Got a list of ideas and names, now I just need to organize photos and articles that accompany and I'll be up and running!

2) Taught my first class last week! Okay, it was more like a private lesson because a system error meant I only had one student, but she's a really sweet and cool person who seems genuinely interested in expanding her sewing skills! This may have been better really because it helped me to understand how the tiny space could potentially work, or be a problem, with a full class. Also, I found out that the classes aren't structured so that students have completed projects by the end of the course which kinda ticks me off. I mean, if I paid good money to take a class to learn to make a single project, I expect that it will be done and awesome when I complete the course. I'm trying to find ways around that problem so my students can get a full project before they leave.

3) Saw two of my classes canceled because of no sign ups. I guess I shouldn't have been too surprised as they mentioned before that they were having some trouble getting people in, but it still stings both on an emotional let down and financial loss.

4) I am contemplating using Betterfly or similar site to start generating private course students. Need to do some research on how the system works now that there have been changes and how I would have to handle paying taxes on income generated through such a site. Honestly, I'm not sure if it would be better to use a service listing site or just go old school and start pounding the pavement and posting on community boards and trying to get onto the local noon news during the week.

5) Made myself a promise that before the end of the month I would be securing my own living space. (Yes, that's right, I've been crashing at the parents. Don't judge; things have been tough.) This means finding serious work and fast because what I had to sell to start building up my living savings was stolen. They didn't take the obvious things, just the highest ticket items (like my freaking power tool set!) and thoroughly trashed the place in the process (boxes thrown everywhere, my full length mirror broken, etc.). So this promise may mean taking whatever comes in whatever form of employment I can get. Clean a million dollar home in a day? Yard work? Paint someone's house interiors? Babysitting/Part-time Nanny/Pet-sitter? I'll take what I can get!

Other than those major items I'm working on figuring out how to better manage my insulin resistance and thyroid and adrenal disorders. A major change in diet and a genuine fitness plan are looming in my near future and it's about as terrifying as funnel cloud right now. Of course, being an Illinois River Valley girl (meaning I was raised at the tail end of tornado alley), I know well that sometimes things have to be torn down and rebuilt from the ground up to be something that will last a lifetime. Not necessarily the concept one expects to bring towards changing their current health but I can't find a better description than a complete tear down and rebuild.

With that pretty visual painted, I will say goodnight, or good morning depending on where you are in the world. May today be a better day!

Last Night in Paradise

So tonight is my last night with family in Hawaii. I'm sad to be leaving so soon, one week really isn't enough time to see even half the things I'd like to have seen here. However, life back on the mainland demands attention if It's like to keep my teaching position this summer and I am basically broke so a full time job is needed and fast. I'm not worried now as I feel a new found sense of comfort in the state of knowing that I'm earning towards a goal of moving West and starting a new book in my life's journey. Will everything go according to plan? Probably not. That's just life and I'm not afraid of the bumps our sudden hairpin turns because the view is still beautiful and they're signs I'm moving forwards instead of just being stuck in am emotional, spiritual, and financial rut. I heard someone on the radio ask once "what's the difference between a rut and a grave? The depth." To which I've added: "So if you don't want this rut to become your grave, you'd better climb out now."

On the horizon I have a crazy busy few days ahead. After traveling back, which will take over 12 hours of travel, I have to work up all of my sample projects for the Open House on Saturday and write up three class proposals and get applications sent in for a regular job. Honestly, I feel exhausted just thinking about the reality of that list and all the parts and steps involved, but this has been where I've tripped myself up in the past; I get so overwhelmed looking at the big picture that I panic and freeze and then end up behind schedule/past my deadlines and then just feel even worse. This bring a period of change in my life seems like a good time to address this problem. Do I have a clear plan? Well, no. I figure I can start by trying what my big sister has told me so many times: just focus 9b the next task on the list and force yourself to finish the task within a certain time frame by not letting everything else slip into your mind. It has felt impossible before. I have so much chatter and so many things run through my head at any given second that it's rare I can truly focus and enjoy anything anymore. Except in those moments of being so completely engrossed in something like photographing architecture or flowers or something else I consider pretty. Things that catch my magpie-like eyes can steal my attention so completely that I've actually injured myself a time or two as a result. How I can make myself reach that level of focus on a task is something I haven't yet figured out, but I also haven't tried recently for lack of feeling any hope that I could change my situation.

I read a quote the other day attributed to "Jack Sparrow" that says "The problem is not the problem. The problem is you're attitude towards the problem." I realized usually this has been the truth for me for some time; the problem is not the set backs and road blocks, it's my inability to see the road beyond and believe that there is a road ahead and it's worth fighting for!

There are some truly wonderful, beautiful people in my life. For reasons that I can't always understand they have decided that I'm worth the effort they have all put forward to keep me going. They are all worth more than their combined weight in gold to me. They are the life breath that has kept me alive up until now. Now I think I can breath on my own again. I think being here has helped me to see that it's time to get of life support not because it's a burden to others (though I know it has been at times) but because I'm ready. Am I scared? Hell yes. Only an idiot wouldn't be scared of all that life is today. Being afraid of the hard things like finding and keeping a living wage job and dealing with finishing a degree after leaving the world of university is normal. I get that now. Like the old saying goes: it is not the absence of fear that defines courage but action in the presence of fear.

It is with a hopeful heart that I move forward into a beautiful unknown future.

Right now, what I really need to do is get a shower to wash off kitty hair and exploring dust and then pack up to leave tomorrow. It will have to be an early start for me so I can see more before hopping on the first of three flights to get back to my corn fields so I am going to enjoy all the sleep I can get in a real bed! Sleep well world; I'm off to the land of dreams!

Aloha!

So, the last post unfortunately had to be published after the fact in spite of having been started on the planes because I wasn't smarter than the Blogger app & couldn't get into my account. Problem solved! Yay!

I will definitely be able to share more in the immediate future now, however, at the moment I seriously need to force myself to sleep because my day starts at 8 with a quick shower & breakfast before sight-seeing all over Oahu! :-O

Crazy I know! Small town girl didn't just go to the city this time, she flew off to a tropical island dream escaping the harsh snow covered tundra! So many stories!