In flight blogging!

So many new things! Between my first time on a 737 & first time in am emergency exit type, the flight from Dallas to L.A. has been surprisingly relaxing. Perhaps the Dramamine helped substantially, but I'm not going to try & pick apart a good thing.

I'm torn between being excited & scared about how the week ahead will go because I'm not sure what to expect. I'm excited about getting to go to one of the two fifty states I once thought I'd never get to see. I'm loving the idea of spending a week in above 70° weather. Yet I'm still nervous about possible allergies raining on the experience or the time difference being more than my body can handle I'm so short amount of time. It also doesn't help that I have a stack of work to come home to that I will have all of 48 hrs to complete before handing over 9 projects I only just got materials for.

In case it's not painfully obvious, I am a serious worrier who has a hell of a time trying to relax. Last year I managed to relax during conferences, but only because I had left projects either done early or almost done & therefore easily finished upon return with a little cushion room. This time I have no cushion, a hard deadline screaming at me, & an ever increasing fear that I'll never finish anything in my life for reasons I can't figure out other than deep seated anxiety over the potential for failure.

Also, I genuinely no longer know what I want next in life.
That may sound rather general, but truth is it's how I feel about most things now: not pressing desire or hunger for anything which is down right depressing having spent do many years fighting like hell to get to a goal that just doesn't matter to me anymore.

The only thing I look forward to anymore is sleep because it's the only time I don't feel the void of that former drive to reach a goal. That's not a healthy way to live. So, I need goals again. They don't have to be big like in the past (MFA & tenure track asst. Professor position or full time less prop artisan/designer/fabricator in sci-fi/adventure film & television by 30). These new goals have to meet the following requirements:
1) must be a part of a "plan" that requires looking ahead no less than one year but no more than five years,
2) must be centered around doing something that makes me happy to the extent of looking forward to tomorrow,
3) must include an understanding odd my own limitations on all levels & have a contingency plan in case my health takes another turn for the worse or some family emergency arises,
4) must include aspects of regular interaction with people outside those I live with & immediate family, & last but not least,
5) must include a way to adapt at regular intervals to accommodate for the possibility that what I start off towards may turn out to be something I don't want or doesn't make me happy.

While some things must be pushed through for the sake of survival, the main point of these new goals is to be happy & share that happiness with the people I love.
Yeah, super sappy & sugary sweet. If you feel the need to go brush your teeth I'll wait.

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Now that your teeth are safe I'm on a 757, first tine in a middle seat, first super long flight, & I'm starving so I'm going to eat & hopefully relax a little more with each mile towards a tropical paradise & hopefully be rested & ready to take on the world when I get back to the mainland.